Being Yourself
Wherever You Are
Gentle Rhythms
December 12, 2025
“The most courageous act is
still to think for yourself, aloud.”
–Coco Chanel
If we get too caught up in the groupthink mode that calls for us to conform to the dictates of the corporate economy, we may lose our way amid the endless expectations, the rising wave of demands, or the growing stress that colors all areas of our lives. That is, unless we grab hold of the reins of our lives, and start living at our own pace and in our own way. The commercialization of every holiday and even the non-holidays, is aimed to motivate us to spend money to show our love for all the people we’ve ever known, or so it seems at times.
To find a way to approach the holy days and holidays without going overboard, I made a couple of decisions. First, I wasn’t going to buy a bunch of presents and try to mail them all out in time for Christmas. For one thing, I can’t afford to do that. However, I can choose to pick one present a month for as long as it takes to get one of my loved ones a special gift. I’ll let them know to expect it when I do my annual Christmas cards I usually send out on New Year’s Eve day.
Next I decided there would be no over-the-top feasts with tons of leftovers. Primarily because I don’t have a big appetite, and also because I can’t be with my family at this time. They’re the only ones I would spend Christmas with at this point in life. For now though, I enjoy planning a pre- Christmas lunch with a couple of good friends, and an Epiphany open house, if I still feel like it after the new year begins. Holidays over the years have gone through many iterations, and this year’s is going to be the scaled down version. The joy of this year is putting up lights, outside and inside. The joy of this year is relaxing in my own home, and sitting at my easel painting or at my work table collaging or writing. Or maybe even taking a nap.
My favorite part of the holy days is Christmas Eve, midnight mass, and a late-night meal and gift exchange. I may have to do most of this virtually, but I still plan on doing it. And the meal may be tacos, enchiladas, or a bowl of yogurt, fruit, nuts, and honey. It really doesn’t matter as long as it’s tasty, easy to prepare, and comes with no leftovers. Leftovers I’ve found over time, have become a danger zone, one I try to avoid.
We all know we have the best of intentions to eat the leftovers. How many times though, have you found something wrapped in aluminum foil, locked and crusted in a pyrex dish, or covered with saran wrap in a bowl that looks like a science experiment? Haunting memories of opening my Grandmother Esta’s refrigerator and seeing it packed full of tiny packages of food wrapped in foil, and when I say packed, I mean to the brim. I swore then, never to follow that pattern. That’s an intergenerational trait I want to stop in its tracks. So I’ve decided it’s best to toss the leftovers after a reasonable amount of time. I should toss after not more than two days before things start deteriorating in the fridge. And I’ve learned the hard way to just forget about leaving anything out on the counter. Save yourself the misery and/or a trip to the ER.
I’ve not always been so sparse and limited in my holiday plans, but I’ve grown to love the period of time when we put on the pause to live for a few days at least. When we stop behaving in a normal regimented way (being on time, working too much, resting from working too much, and then going back to working too much). And no, I’m not opposed to work or working. I do both and always have. However, I am opposed to forcing people to devote themselves to a company, institution, or really any kind of work to the exclusion of having a fulfilling life separate and apart from the daily grind. Even writers and artists get stuck in the grind, and we all need to rest, take breaks, have some fun, get some more rest, and spend time with the people we most want to be with while actively avoiding being with anyone or doing anything that drains the life right out of us.
I have tried to fit into other people’s lives at times. And that I’ve found does not work at all for me anymore. When I finally recognized that I do have the power and courage to say, “no thank you” or “I’ve got other plans, thank you”, I found I was happier, healthier, and more likely to stand a chance of living life in a fulfilling and more meaningful way than if I tried to fit into the life someone else had in mind for me, or the life I’d just more or less accepted, “I have no choice over”. And sometimes it’s the life I’ve idealized to the point where it no longer looks anything like what it really is. I’ve had to face the truth, and let go of trying to fit in.
A few years back, a friend of mine said something about wanting to live a more authentic life. She said it started with her being honest. The problem was, I think, she thought that meant to just tell people what she thought. We all know where “I say what I think regardless” goes when taken as a one-way street. For me, living authentically requires me to look into my own eyes and see where I need to grow, change, alter my views, or figure out what I really need given who I am now. I no longer run down the hall early in the morning looking to see what’s in my Christmas stocking. I no longer fill the children’s shoes with candy and gifts on St. Nicholas Day. And I no longer cook, bake, and prepare a big feast that I serve to a big group on holidays. I just don’t do any of these things anymore, because each act, though special, was for a different time, a different place, and a different time of life. Now my holy days are quieter, lit by candle light and sparkly lights.
Now my feasts are simple dishes that remind me of how precious our bounty is. Fresh, sweet grapes on the eve of winter is a luxury. Hot raspberry scones are the gifts I give myself and a friend. A cup of hot cocoa or Ovaltine warms my hands, my tummy, and my heart. Memories flood with other moments when those who sat at my table were alive, were in love, and were part of what made each holy day special. Rather than grieving this Christmas, I warm my heart and awaken my memory with the joy, laughter of those who are gone. I delight in the cup you gave me or the rug given me by a long gone friend. I surround and fill myself with the precious memories of those I love, and with the knowledge and awareness of my good fortune and bounty…found in the love of my family and friends. And the joy of all the beauty we are so fortunate to be surrounded with.
One thing I do love to do is celebrate Advent. Each day of Advent I turn my attention toward something of beauty, something that spreads love, and something that puts me in the mood of awaiting, seeking, preparing, and discovering the joy of the Holy once again. Within the context of my everyday life, I try to keep the spirit of the Holy alive in each and every day. It may be lighting a candle and saying a prayer. It may be dancing and singing for joy. It may be sending a donation to a charity that supports doctors who leave home to help strangers in war zones, or it may be just thinking of you and wondering how your holiday season is going? Some of you I know are working hard. Some are relaxing. Some are grieving. Some are traveling. And some are discovering a new time of life is opening for you now.
These days instead of hanging a new ornament on the tree or opening another window on the Advent Calendar, I take out an old memory of laughter with a good friend, of joy shared with my love, with love and pleasure spent with my family, and with memories of those who’ve left their love in my heart. Of words, photos, and kindness shared with and by good friends.
“Generosity is like sharing the last piece of cake with a friend.”
Share some of your joy with a friend, a stranger, a neighbor, and let yourself be yourself in all your fullness and beauty.
